(Originally posted on 1/6/04)
One my trip to London for New Year's, British Airways offered a variety of movies for my viewing pleasure. Since I figured I'd try to get some sleep, I chose Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star. Unfortunately, I didn't get any sleep, and thus I have only myself to blame for suffering through this wince-inducing comedic atrocity. David Spade, once again testing his audience's threshold for condescending, snarky put-downs, plays the titular washed-up kid actor, who, in a desperate bid to get cast in Rob Reiner's new family drama (and thus regain fame and glory), pays a suburban clan to let him move in and pretend to be one of their kids. The plan, it seems, is for Dickie to experience the everyday life he missed out on because of his TV career, and thus the embarrassing childish stunts in which Dickie makes a fool of himself soon yield to earnest revelations about what really matters in life. Having sat through all of Dickie Roberts -- a truly idiotic and incompetent film that only exists to pathetically cash in on America's never-ending fascination with yesteryear's TV personalities -- I can spare you the hour and a half and just tell you what really matters in life: Getting up from the couch, going outside for some fresh air, and avoiding this miserable little film like the plague.