Few films are as consistently pathetic as My Boss’s Daughter, an Ashton Kutcher-Tara Reid vehicle (that says it all, doesn’t it?) directed by David Zucker (Airplane!, The Naked Gun). Kutcher stars as Tom Stansfield, a goody-two-shoes roped into house-sitting for his boss (Terrance Stamp) by the domineering old man’s blandly sexy daughter (Reid). Insanity of the lamest variety ensues, including an owl flying high on cocaine and Reid’s platonic strip-tease for Kutcher that occurs because she thinks he’s gay. The film’s problems are overwhelming – an endless parade of poorly executed slapstick gags, flat performances from Kutcher and Reid (an actress who gives new meaning to the term “vacant”), grating peripheral characters (thanks Andy Richter, Michael Madsen, Molly Shannon and Carmen Electra!), and a strict adherence to the most basic juvenile comedy conventions – but writing about them in detail might take a week, and just continuing to think about this fiasco is beginning to make my head hurt.