Juno MacGuff, the precocious protagonist of Jason Reitman’s Juno, may be sixteen, but she walks, talks and carries herself like a 30-year-old. Which she really is, since the spunky, self-confident teen at the center of this year’s Little Indie That Could (Make One Scream) doesn’t resemble a modern adolescent but, rather, 29-year-old stripper-turned-screenwriter Diablo Cody’s idea of an infinitely cool one versed in both today’s lingo and yesteryear’s pop culture. As embodied by Ellen Page with the same unflappable hipness that she flashed in Hard Candy, the talkative, iconoclastic Juno – who becomes pregnant after sleeping with her geeky best friend (Michael Cera), and then decides to give the baby up for adoption to a rich couple (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner) – is a fountain of references from before her day, such that when her water breaks, she instinctively screams to her dad “Thundercats are Goooooooo!” (a '60s-'80s double-whammy allusion!) Not only is her taste impeccable (she name drops Patti Smith and Dario Argento, among others, as faves), but she’s never without a perfect quip, a fact that depressingly holds true for every one of Juno’s players, including the convenience store clerk (Rainn Wilson) who sells Juno her pregnancy tests and the stepmother (Allison Janney) who scathingly takes down a snide ultrasound technician. A quirky indie-rock soundtrack and squiggly on-screen handwriting to denote seasons are all a piece of the film’s pretentiousness, which is so overwhelming that it drowns out even the proceedings’ admirable elements, such as the fact that Juno unswervingly holds true to her (laughably assured) convictions, or that Reitman and Cody – as evidenced by their sweet, respectful portrait of Garner’s desperate-for-motherhood yuppie – never condescend to their weird but well-intentioned characters. Far less funny and shrewd than Knocked Up, the year’s other comedic tale of unplanned pregnancy, Juno pretends to care about real-world situations but is really interested only in its own trendier-than-thou cleverness, an obnoxious fantasy vision of teendom slathered in self-satisfied snark.