Of all the objectionable aspects of Poseidon, Wolfgang Peterson’s remake of 1972’s disaster classic The Poseidon Adventure, the most noxious is the revelation that Kurt Russell’s Robert Ramsey – aiding survivors aboard the titular luxury cruiser after it’s flipped upside-down by a “rogue wave” – happens to be a Giuliani-esque former mayor of New York City. Such shamelessly facile 9/11 allusions are emblematic of this soggy fiasco, which not only finds itself weighted down by leaden performances and unspectacular CG-aided effects, but also proves to be a literally whitewashed affair. With Andre Braugher’s captain following protocol all the way to his grave (African-American-loving Black Eyed Pea Fergie by his side), Poseidon’s minority contingent winds up being two Hispanic characters and suicidal homosexual Richard Nelson (Richard Dreyfus), with the former given quick, unceremonious deaths and the latter relegated to mere hanger-on status amidst pro gambler Dylan Johns’ (Josh Lucas) macho feats of derring-do. Its ever-present underlying racial politics mirroring those of dunderheaded ‘80s B-horror movies – in which non-whites are, as the cliché goes, always the first to perish – Peterson’s dud plows through its heroes’ navigation of flooded compartments, claustrophobic air ducts and fiery rooms with a general absence of clever scripting or character development. Still, considering that when Poseidon isn’t loud and monotonous, it’s busy reimagining the Titanic as a ship whose above-deck passengers deserve to live far more than their below-deck counterparts, at least the limp film, at a swift 98 minutes, is a good twenty shorter than its predecessor.