Troll 2 (1990): D-

Only a truly awful movie could make Troll look like a horror masterpiece, and let there be no doubt, Troll 2 is that movie. It’s rare to find a film with such an ignominious reputation actually living up to the hype, but it’s even more stunning to discover that this “sequel” – quotation marks necessary because it was only slapped with the Troll moniker after production – actually surpasses its reputation as one of the worst pieces of cinematic junk ever produced. The fact that Troll 2 isn’t even about trolls – it’s about goblins – is a mere minor deficiency in light of its ineptitude, which is so vast that it would require thousands of words to fully catalog all that’s wrong and perplexing about the proceedings. Nonetheless, special mention must go to Margo Prey, whose performance is incompetent to the point that it’s never quite clear if her character – the mother of a family who travels to the rural town of Nilbog (“It’s Goblin spelled backwards!”) and winds up stalked by mythical creatures (actually, midgets in paper mâche masks) – is stoned or mentally handicapped. And kudos to whoever thought that pint-sized protagonist Joshua (Michael Stephenson) should prevent his family from eating a dangerous food buffet by coating it in urine. And bravo, director Claudio Fragasso, for every hilarious appearance of Joshua’s raving-mad dead grandpa Seth (Robert Ormsby), and for including the scene in which Joshua’s dad explains that everyone in town must be MIA because it’s night…even though it’s clearly the middle of the day. What you’ve created is nothing short of a crap-tacular masterpiece.

Comments

[Joe Grossberg]

"including the scene in which Joshua’s dad explains that everyone in town must be MIA because it’s night…even though it’s clearly the middle of the day."

Is it at least "Plan 9 from Outer Space" bad, then?

[rob]

Of course you realize that now I simply HAVE to see this. Should make a nice back-to-back viewing with an upcoming entry in my blog-a-thon, "Blood Sucking Nazi Zombies." (I'm not kidding.)

[J]

About time you got around to watching this...

Gotta love poor Grandpa Seth, tryin' to navigate his way around the netherworld and contact Joshua. ("I haven't gotten the layout of this house yet!")

Same with that jock kid who gets turned into a tree. ("They're eating her! And then they're gonna eat me! OHHHHHH MYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!")

Hard to top the corn-on-the-cob sex scene - it makes me laugh my ass off every time. Geddit? The scene is so hot, it makes the corn ... never mind.

Also the classic end, which makes no sense. "Want some ... Joshua?"

[Schuyler Chapman]

Oh god. I wish I could watch that right now.

[Ewan Fyffe]

This film is utterly rancid. Its definetely in the same league as "Killjoy" (killer clown film) & "Ankle biters" (dwarf vampires).

The crap costumes & no plot just make it even more unbearable. Sinks without trace - which a blessing in disguise.

[Xander]

I HIGHLY recommend watching the rifftrax lined up with this. Opened up whole new dimensions of hilarity in this amazing movie

[Dianne]

I really enjoyed the revelation that Grandpa Seth had been visiting little Joshua from his home in HELL. Nice touch.