Steve Miner is responsible for many a crappy horror film (Friday the 13th Part 2 and III, Halloween H2O), so it’s no surprise that his Day of the Dead is incompetent in every respect, right down to its having nothing to do with the George A. Romero classic whose title it appropriates. In this thoroughly generic zombie-outbreak saga, a small Colorado town is quarantined by the military for mysterious reasons which become not so mysterious once the townsfolk start mutating into pizza-faced monsters with a taste for human flesh. The plague magically spares a corporal (Mena Suvari) who, along with a few survivors, endeavor to escape the hordes of hungry creatures, whose heads are prone to explode in great big phony CGI blasts when shot or set on fire. Miner’s special effects look terrible but they’re in keeping with a script that refuses to have a single character act as one might logically expect, with civilians becoming suddenly adept at firearms, and military personnel talking and behaving like either civilians or comic book superheroes. Inconsistency runs rampant throughout this dreadful direct-to-DVD effort, as the infected are alternately berserk animals, canny tacticians (they even hide corpses in closets!), and – in the case of wimpy soldier Bud (Stark Sands), who’s meant to recall Bub from Romero’s original – conscious beasts who don’t chomp on people because of love and, I kid you not, their vegetarianism. Toss in Nick Cannon as an insufferable tough-guy with a penchant for painful pop-culture quips, and rarely has a film about mankind’s last stand against bio-terror made such a lousy case for humanity’s continued existence.